Ten Fears That Ruin Relationships
Loving someone is risky business, so it’s natural that fear is present in relationships. But when fear operates in our life in a way that hurts us or hurts others—through aggression or withdrawal—it becomes a problem. Recognizing these fears and how they affect our life can help us make the necessary changes to get the love we want. Below is a list of 10 fears that most commonly impact relationships negatively. Do any of them apply to you?
1. Fear of losing freedom. Tied down, trapped, cornered, stuck—this "claustrophobia" points to mistaken beliefs about what relationships are supposed to be. It often results in a "grass is greener on the other side" mentality and keeps us from being fully present in the relationship.
2. Fear of conflict. Let’s face it, love can be messy. But it doesn’t have to be destructive. Constructive communication skills can be learned and if handled in a healthy way, conflict can actually be quite productive.
3. Fear of change. Change means work, discomfort, uncertainty, but can lead to growth, depth and renewal within the relationship.
4. Fear of giving up or losing control. We don’t have to surrender personal power in a healthy relationship.
5. Fear of pain. Ultimately, we must decide whether we trust fear or trust love.
6. Fear of being "found out." When we hide our true self from those we love, we’re usually afraid that our true self is unlovable.
7. Fear of losing self. Often this comes from watching others (parent, friend, relative) suppress their individuality in relationship.
8. Fear of not being enough. When we fear our own inadequacy, we often expect perfection in our partners.
9. Fear of rejection. To avoid being rejected, we may become pleasers, taking our authentic needs and desires out of the equation.
10. Fear of dependency. Some worry about losing the ability to take care of themselves, some about having to be overly responsible for others.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
If you have fears or anxieties that are impacting your important relationships, contact us:
. Women's Counseling Center of Denver
Kim Wagner, LCSW
3773 Cherry Creek North Drive, Suite 735
Denver, Colorado 80209